LOVE / fear
A few years ago, I had a gold ring made for me by the talented jeweler, Kim Dunham. The way Kim works is completely unique. For starters, she only makes rings, and each ring is exclusive to the wearer. Kim believes each person has a story worthy of being commemorated, and the rings she creates and engraves are talismans meant to be a lasting reminder to person who wears them.
When Kim and I first met, in the lobby of Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood, we sat together over tea. She shared with me some of her pieces and I shared my journey of starting a company, growing it, wanting to blow it up, moving across a country, becoming a mama, meditating on surfboards in the Pacific, and completely rejiggering my business—and my life— in the process.
I knew I wanted to work with Kim. I knew the ring I would love to wear and I knew what I wanted it to symbolize. I just didn’t know what I wanted inscribed on the inside.
Our hands are so intimate. They are our tools of creation. We look at them so many times a day. What did I want to be reminded of so often?
When I look back at all the moments that ended up being pivotal in creating a life that I love, I saw something in common. You might see the same in your own life. In those moments, faced with a big decision or a difficult situation, it's not that I wasn't afraid, it's just that I refused to let the fear win. I had chosen love over the fear. It was so simple. It has been said over and over by others much wiser and farther along than I. But by embracing it as my operating system, and a directive for how I live my life, I had made it my own. And I knew I needed reminding of it over and over again, because I am a human. I am living a real life and things get hard and shitty sometimes and it’s easy to forget. It’s easy to let fear win. I have done that a lot, too. But I knew that if I wanted to continue to grow and create the life I desire at even greater levels, I also needed to continue making bold decisions, especially in times of fear and anxiety.
So I asked if Kim could engrave the ring with this:
LOVE
————
fear
Just like that, with love written as it is, in big, bold, block letters, making it more substantial and weighty. And fear written exactly as it feels, in cursive, flowing fast from one shitty thought to the next without skipping a beat, making me feel small, unworthy, like curling up in a ball.
That is the ring I wear now, and it is a message I cherish every time I catch it on my hand and pause long enough to remember.
We are in a time when many people are in a perpetual state of fear, where anxiety has become our cultural status quo. But this makes us feel small and it keeps us from creating. And creating is the lifeblood of innovation, reinvention, and evolution. It is also an antidote to stress.
Where in your life are you letting your fear win? Where are you shrinking where you want to be expanding? What would you love to create in your business or life, but worry keeps holding you back?
To receive these essays and stories to your inbox, you can subscribe here.