A Metaphor for Letting Go

I was recently on a call with my coach. As we were talking about the year ahead she reflected that this year was a "sloughing off" of some of the beliefs that were holding me back—beliefs that had to go for me to keep creating the life and business I want in even bigger ways.

Her choice of words reminded me of a time, many years ago, when I was in Morocco and went to visit a hamam. I thought I was in for a relaxing day at the spa. I expected to be pampered and that everything would feel good and I'd be so relaxed. The reality was much different. Upon arriving, I had to strip naked, walk into a communal space feeling totally exposed, and wait until it was my turn to lay on a marble slab in the middle of the room while two women scrubbed my entire body until it felt like I was raw. Talk about vulnerability. I literally had all the old, dead skin that I'd been carrying around sloughed off. It was not relaxing, but I did leave feeling lighter, fresher and renewed.

It made me think about how our expectations can determine how we actually experience situations. When a situation is not what we expect we're often stressed by it. We resist it. And when we do this, whatever growth or good that comes out of it feels more painful.

Talk about a metaphor for 2020. As I write this I'm sitting in my office staring at the giant roll of black art paper on the wall with my plans for next year. The same paper (with somewhat different plans) hung in my office about this same time last year. My expectations then were that I would meet my goals, turn my ideas into reality with nothing in my way, and continue with the degree of predictability and possibility that I had come to know. Ha!

Now, as I look at plans for 2021 one thing has changed. Yes, I'm still planning. I'm still getting clear and setting goals. But I'm holding onto them differently. My grip has loosened, my expectations have been set aside. It's much more "here is my intention and my hope and my plan to get there, now let's see what happens". There is more room for something different, for something better. And I don't mean better in the way you may think I do, or even in the way I meant this time last year. Better can be unwanted. Sometimes better can even be painful. The reason it's better is because it will ultimately lead me to exactly the growth that I need the most. I'm now practicing doing this with less resistance because I've learned that resisting what is can be stressful, and I don't want to do it that way. I don't want to cling to expectations so rigidly they turn a situation into a pressure cooker.


As I go into a new year, I know I can carry my plans and dreams lighter and with more curiosity. I just have to choose to. And by "I", I really mean "we".

As we go into a new year, we can carry our plans and dreams lighter and with more curiosity. We just have to choose to.

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