On a Friday morning in the summer, I sat in my backyard and read an article in the Wall Street Journal about cooking, something we have all been doing a lot more of over these quarantine months.

The writer shared how she had found the perfect recipe for a sweltering summer day from a cookbook she admired. The recipe was for a cold salad, with figs and mint and other yummy things. She set out to make it. But after she began she realized she didn’t have nearly enough figs and no mint and was also missing the walnuts. But she was already underway, so she did something we all must do during this time, she improvised.

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This week, I submitted the entire first draft of my book to my writing coach for review. It was exhilarating and terrifying. This book has been a dream of mine for so long, and this milestone felt like a signal that my dream is becoming reality. I also found it deeply vulnerable to share my most intimate stories and words for a stranger to critique. I turned that puppy in and then I took myself to the beach.

The thrill of doing something that scared and electrified me carried me through the entire week. I was buzzing and alive and proud.

But it almost didn't happen.

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This past weekend I hosted a virtual retreat to mark the beginning of my next 5-month Mastermind. I am honored to lead this high-caliber group for the next 5 months. Our purpose is to explore and examine what showing up as a leader looks like when everything around us is so uncertain.

After all, much of the narrative of what leadership is has involved being confident, assertive, always having an answer (and the right answer), and making decisions quickly and boldly. But this creates so much pressure.

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(Illustration by Catherine Lepage)

Ten years ago a reporter named David Weigel suggested that all journalists do something called pundit accountability, a practice of periodically reviewing their own claims and then publicly admitting which were right and wrong. This past week, a NY Times reporter did just that.

It made me think about how, without accountability, it's easy to just keep repeating patterns, never having the opportunity to learn something new and grow.

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I was recently on a call with my coach. As we were talking about the year ahead she reflected that this year was a "sloughing off" of some of the beliefs that were holding me back—beliefs that had to go for me to keep creating the life and business I want in even bigger ways. Her choice of words reminded me of a time, many years ago, when I was in Morocco and went to visit a hamam.

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I've been thinking a lot lately about walking the talk. At least in my world-- and I think also in the world-- there seems to be a bigger focus on accountability. Does a person do what they say they will? Does a company actually live its values? Do I?

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A few years ago, I had a gold ring made for me by the talented jeweler, Kim Dunham. The way Kim works is completely unique. For starters, she only makes rings, and each ring is exclusive to the wearer. Kim believes each person has a story worthy of being commemorated, and the rings she creates and engraves are talismans meant to be a lasting reminder to person who wears them.

When Kim and I first met, in the lobby of Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood, we sat together over tea.

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We are all riding the waves of anxiety and stillness. Some moments feel peaceful and like a spiritual reset, while others are pressure-packed and fear-inducing. We grip onto things. We ground ourselves. And back again.

We are worried….

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In my house, I have what I call a morning candle. I keep it in the kitchen and light it as I’m making coffee. For me, it’s a way of acknowledging the new day. I might then go for a dog walk, or to my (home) office to get some work done. When the rest of the house wakes up and wanders into the kitchen, it’s a way for them to feel remembered and greeted. This little act of love has become a ritual.

At a time when we all feel we are in the dark of uncertainty, even the simple act of turning a light on can feel like a comfort. It is a point of connection.

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I can remember the day I finally quit my job to go out on my own. At the time, the company's office was all the way on the West Side Highway in Manhattan, and the daily trek from the 8th avenue subway had become especially grueling. It was the dead of winter, the wind from the Hudson River literally kicking my ass every morning. Add to that the feeling that I just didn't want to go to that job anymore, which meant my body resisted every step of the way. I hit snooze as many times as possible. My legs felt heavy. I pumped myself with espresso to 'perk up'. I distracted myself with purchases--vacations to look forward to, new clothes to wear, etc-- in an attempt to feel a thrill and justify staying at a job that was no longer truly fueling me.

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For so long, I compartmentalized my work and my life. In work, I'd get stuck in my head, overthinking everything and feeling I had to have all the answers. It felt like pushing a boulder up a mountain. This was so draining that, in my personal life, I didn't have an ounce of energy left. Just tell me where our dinner reservation is and I'll be there (likely 10 minutes late because I'm rushing). Just book the vacation and tell me where to send the money and what climate I'm packing for. I had no space left to participate in my life, because I was too busy managing it and striving for the next achievement. I've since come to the realization that work / life balance is a total f*cking fantasy.

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